steve's dead

roasted taters, apple sauce, bbq "chicken," choco chip cookies

First part of dream is lost, but someone tells me that Steve is dead, in the course of...a normal day? Don't remember.

Jump to the next day, it is sinking in that Steve is dead. I get dressed to go out, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Just need to leave the house. Living with my mom in a squalorous house, much like 406 1/2 Princeton but darker. I take off. I know that people expect me "somewhere" but I don't intend to show up there. I'll walk around. I wanna get drunk. I don't wanna get drunk. Reeling around in alleyways of a fictionalized Vassar/Girard area, Nob Hill's asshole. I remember that Steve used to go to a sort of punk rock AA where they would talk it out and then usually go get drunk, I decide to show up there. I find it, back in alleyways, in a little pub/cafe, no one's there, I leave just as a car of young skins & punx pull up, I don't want to talk to them, I wonder if they know Steve's dead. They don't look happy.

I take off for the church. Steve's funeral is now. That's where I was expected. A giant Gothic revival cathedral next to the original ruins, which are fenced in and overgrown with brush. Mostly vertical skeletal elements left of bleached sandstone. I don't want to go. I keep walking, around the end of the church and behind. I can hear Mark at the front of the church talking to Steve's mom [who is Joyce Summers from Buffy], asking if she's seen me. She doesn't remember me, she doesn't know. He says I'm "young, bald, & white." I shout a couple of Oi!'s but Mark doesn't hear me. She's not sure. I gotta get gone. But I find a cellphone-shaped flask of booze in my flight pocket, maybe could go to the funeral and get drunk in the back. No, that's no good, I should just get gone.

I go home. Mom doesn't know. I go in my room. Knock on the door. Mark has come to find me. He knows I'll be fucked up if I actually miss the service. He's right. I try to get dressed more appropriately quickly.

My dream degenerates from there. We don't go to the service, or at least I don't get to see it. My mind becomes obsessed about Steve dying, why do good people die early, how could they cut him up like that, how could they shoot him like that...very unfocused, looping.